This journey seems a bit more tumultuous with every passing day. The deeds of those that came before me intimated that my course of action might hold some pitfalls, but this couldn’t have been foreseen.
Only a fool would choose a path that ultimately end his existence. Where did I lose my way? Surely my parents didn’t guide me to this path. My family surrounded me with an ethical and moral membrane that mimicked a fairytale to instruct children. I can’t seem to grasp the point where I embraced selfishness and eschewed selflessness.
Environment! People in the past have used that excuse, why can’t I? Naw, that’s not an excuse. Regardless of my environment, I had a CHOICE. The environment could be considered an influence, but it’s just that—an influence. There’s ABSOLUTELY no influence that can MAKE you do anything. The fact that I’m pondering my actions is indicative of my awareness of my wrongdoing, so environment and influence don’t control the FINALITY of my decisions; therefore, it cannot be blamed.
I can’t help but think about how I’M affected, even though I’ve hurt my family, my friends, and the entire community. Have my good deeds outweighed my bad? Does fifty good deeds equate one heinous deed? What’s the barometer? Who holds the scales of justice to establish whether my sleight against society is worthy of annihilation?
Aaahh…My actions have brought me shame, but they have also bought me insulation! I’ve played a game that had rules written by elitists. The rules clearly state “Don’t get caught!” Even with that stern warning, I notice that I was told that rule along with the wink of an eye.