I had two sons when I was arrested. My son Abdul was killed several years ago. My other son, Malik is 47, and he has given me six grandchildren. He was only an infant when I was arrested. His mother remarried. She made the choice to move on and prevented any contact with my family. After 15 years I gained custody of my son. The agony of not knowing how he was being treated, and what was he experiencing without me. Every month or often as I could I was able to have some funds sent to my in-laws for my sons. Even though both sons were by different Mothers. I realized my absence served no good purpose and everyone suffers from my imprisonment. The financial burden that puts a strain on the family, works to further the trauma associated with with long term DBi. The slow journey, which always leads to the conscious understanding, that you may never be back in your mother’s home or love your wife or woman. The physical absence and the lost of The natural biological connections, that is normal for a healthy family, forces most of our marriages to fail. The break down of the family unit, creates the possible decay of a productive opportunity of raising a well balanced child. The child who does not have his father in his daily life is a wounded child, trying to navigate the mystery of becoming a teenager and eventually an adult. While attempting to maintain visits, phone calls, the communication is never enough. My combination of actions, did enable some sanity and made me feel relevant. Despite both my sons mothers, married while I was in prison, they accepted my checks and money that I sent to my son. They never returned financial aid. However, they would not bring my sons to visit. Both sons end up coming to prison. My heart was broken. I felt responsible for their behavior. It is not easy to ignore the impact of DBI. The reality becomes more evident that every day in prison, I rob my family, community of potential wisdom and comfort to the society.
At times my sons would ask me why I had to stay in prison forever? The hardest task for me was. making sense out of this horrible story of death and redemption. Most citizens do not understand the. nature that develops in you, after long periods of an unnatural existence ( DBI). While adjusting to a DBI STATE OF MIND you begin to deny the message written in the sentence. As each Governor refused to commute Lifers on parole and no pardons, the gloom of never taking your children and children to a social event to school, Mosque or some other important function in society, I began to see the long term implications of DBI and what it does to children. Once my sons became adults they informed me of their struggles and how they responded to their lonely experiences, without a father. I found my long letters were the best voice within my reach to touch my sons. So I wrote many letters and sent messages of positive energy treating my sons like men. I had to make them feel special and not responsible in anyway for their place on earth, but it was up to them to make right decisions and why. I made it clear, if they avoid drug use, drug sales and guns and weapons, they would be successful in life. I took DBI SERIOUSLY AND my sons had to understand DBI so they would avoid those areas that breed violence. Serving DBI IS a sentence my family is serving with me.
Free the children!